if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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