I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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