Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
