spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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