Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
