just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
