Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
