And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
