ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
