Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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