one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
