i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
