I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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