I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
