I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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