My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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