i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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