Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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