What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
