oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
