Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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