I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
