Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
