I'm so fucking centered right now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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