the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Randomize
