Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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