I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I AM VODKA MAN
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
