its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
