Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
