I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
