Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
