glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
