I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize