The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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