don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
