i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize