Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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