Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
