If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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