Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
