3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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