OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
