Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
