she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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