Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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