you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
