I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
