This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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