so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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