I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
