You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
