My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
