Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
