Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
