i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
