okay pat passed out under dana's car
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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