my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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