I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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