Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize