Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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