I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
