I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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