I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize