i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize