I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
