At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
