Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
