I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize