I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
